non sono pronto

Translation: I am not ready.

What have I been doing since Genova? Well, after a hell of a lot of internal debate, I ultimately decided that I did not want to spend my last days in Italy stressed, changing trains, dragging my luggage onto and off of buses, always in a panic, and I decided I wanted to come back to Perugia.

I've been careful ever since I got here not to waste my time. I know that I'm going home soon, and I've always wanted to feel like I was getting the most out of every minute. But a lot of factors went into my decision to stay in Perugia my last three nights, and it took some advice and reflection to realize why this decision ultimately felt right. First: I am not in Italy to be a tourist. One day, I will tour every place in Italy, preferably with a friend or two, but that day is not today, and I came to Italy on this occasion to live. I have too much stuff to haul around as a tourist, and I don't enjoy the feel. Second: if I came to Italy to live in Italy, just to exist in Italy, I feel like there is much more to take out of getting to know one place better than of getting to know one or two additional places on a superficial, one-day-in-the-city level. And third, since I left Perugia, I realized how much I took it for granted. In my month of living there, I'd never been inside the Duomo, didn't even know it's name (San Lorenzo), and never walked down streets I passed every day.

So I'm back in Perugia. Riccardo, who is a saint, offered me my bedroom (for I think of it as my bedroom, and my house) for as many nights as I wanted, and picked me up at the station, even though I had already found a hostel and the appropriate bus to get there. And so I feel at home.

Yesterday, I walked around Perugia all day, stopping at home to make a simple lunch, went into several churches, and made several revelations. It took a month of living here for me to turn a corner yesterday and realize, "WHAT? This street goes RIGHT THERE?" I am just now realizing how many shortcuts I didn't know about every day I was here. Which is actually really funny.

But I return for a moment to Genova. The morning I left, I managed to get lost on the way to the station. Either the woman at the hostel had no idea what she was talking about, misunderstood me (in English), or I am simply too stupid to get off the bus at the right stop, but I got massively lost. I eventually, dragging my luggage down the freaking mountain that is Genova, asked a woman for help. I must say I'm proud of myself; to all of the people I asked for help that day (at least 4), I spoke only in Italian. So this woman directed me to the general vicinity of the station, saying, "Tranquillo... non è lontana." ("Relax, it's not far.") And I found a street I recognized from the day before, but that street was closed due to construction, and after a massive detour, I made it to the station on time. I had to change trains not once in Pisa, not twice, in Florence, but thrice, in some podunk town the name of which I cannot and do not even want to remember; I managed to find my way around the stations, and have I mentioned, one wheel on my suitcase broke my first day in Genova?

But returning to the present, today is my last full day in Italy. Today, I bought for myself a small Italian coffee-maker (una caffettiera) and a Università per Stranieri di Perugia t-shirt (una maglietta), and I am good to go. I started reading two books on the trains from Genova to Perugia: Vanity Fair, by W.M. Thackeray, and La chimera, by Sebastiano Vassalli. La chimera is molto difficile (very hard), but I'm on chapter 6, around page 60, and I understand a good bit of what's going on, even when pages go by in incomprehensible blurs.

What am I going to miss most about Italy? Well, Perugia for one. I don't know what it is about Perugia that I love so much, but I just do. In a lot of ways, in mood and atmosphere, it reminds me of Richmond, and that could be why I took to it so quickly. I'm also definitely going to miss the 2 Euro coin, which I LOVE. Why don't we have 1 and 2 dollar coins in the United States (at least in wide circulation)? It's more convenient than carrying so much cash, and it fits perfectly into my hand, and I might save just one as a souvenir to myself.

I don't know what else. But I'm not going to miss this internet caffè.